Let’s start at the beginning.. I was 15 years old, still trying to get over the loss of my brother. I liked to keep to myself, in my room, with my thoughts. I had lots of friends but I only went out at night, it seemed easier to face the world then.
I won’t lie.. I had lots of “boyfriends” off and on from grade school, but before it could get serious I would break up with them. I was a serial dater, as I would always go back out with these boys and ultimately break up with them again. Yes, that’s pathetic, but it’s how I handled things then, to keep myself guarded.
I started sneaking alcohol at night, not to get drunk with friends, but so that I could sleep. I would not go to counseling. I would not take anti-depressants. I just tried to fix myself. Every time I’d close my eyes at night I’d picture the moment I found my brother. God, it was hard. There are still times now that I have flash backs of that very moment, the chills, the sick feeling in my stomach.. it all comes flooding back.
I really just avoided people. I always felt like people were staring at me, judging me, talking about me.. and it made life so hard. I had severe anxiety and the easiest way to socialize with people was on chat.. so I did, and I met a lot of wonderful people that turned into real life friends, but Cory turned out to be so much more…
I chatted with all of Cory’s friends on Yahoo! Messenger, long before I knew him. We actually had seen each other at school, he had even tried to talked to me a couple times, but my anxiety shut that down quickly. I didn’t even realize that he had been trying to get my attention all the way back then. One day I decided to start a conversation with him after talking with a mutual friend online and it changed my entire life. Because from that moment on.. we have never given up on love.
He decided to come to my house with our friend and I was terrified. I made my mom lie and tell them I wasn’t home.. even though they knew that I was. Then, they sneak up to my bedroom window and scare the hell out of me! I finally opened the window and we talked and we talked and we talked..
He went home and around 3am he asked me out via Yahoo! Messenger. I, of course, played hard to get but ultimately said yes that morning.. and we spent every summer night until sunrise together at my house sitting on my front porch or laying on blankets in the back yard.. I don’t know how we had so much to talk about, but we did.. we talked about everything, I told him things I had never told anyone before. He quickly became my best friend and my everything.
My friends disapproved. My ex boyfriends tried their hardest to weasel their way back into my life. My parents said he was too old for me. My step dad and Cory actually got into a pretty heated argument, and any other teenage boy would have said “forget this” and moved on, but he stayed.. and he stood his ground. His exes drove me insane! My friends, or so called friends, actually tried to break us up. It was unbelievable. But, did we let any of that get in our way? Absolutely not. We talked about everything.. We knew each other, we knew we wanted to be together and nothing else mattered.
He helped me out of a very dark place in my life. He helped me see the world for what it really was.. not what my mind had made up. I was happy again. I actually smiled, boy did I smile! There was a time when I thought I couldn’t be happy, and he changed that completely. He makes me happy every single day.
Sometimes I feel like people don’t understand the love we actually have for each other. He wasn’t just my boyfriend then, he was my best friend. He was my heart and soul. Nothing has changed except for this little paper that says we’re married. Now he is my husband and my best friend.. always my heart and soul. We have been together since July 20th, 2004.. absolutely inseparable and I will shout that from the roof tops. I have an amazing man who is supportive, kind, faithful, and absolutely mine!
No matter what ever happens in our life.. he will always be the one.